Berni Benton is one in a million—a deeply insightful, positive, and compassionate soul with an incredible range of skills and experience to draw upon as she supports people through some of life’s most challenging moments. She has been my mum’s End of Life Doula for almost three years, joining her care team shortly after a major health crisis.
Since then, Berni has been a constant source of companionship, kindness and laughter. She supports Mum in countless ways—cooking, reading, bringing flowers, offering spiritual and emotional support, and always ensuring her needs and wishes remain at the heart of everything. She liaises seamlessly with the care and medical teams, infusing every interaction with warmth, humour and unwavering dedication. The love and attention Mum has received during this time have had a profoundly positive impact—she is content, smiley, witty and engaged with those around her. Despite being bedridden, the frustration and aggression that once accompanied her condition have, for the most part, faded into the past.
Berni isn’t just a fantastic member of Mum’s care team; she’s also a good friend. As Mum’s primary carer and deputy, I know I can always turn to her—for practical support, a reassuring word or simply a moment to share the challenges of this journey. She has witnessed my steep learning curves as I navigate the complexities of caring for Mum, managing her affairs, and ensuring her well-being whilst I also work and support my family. On countless occasions, Berni has been there for me, offering confidence, thoughtful insights, and even hands-on help with shopping and admin.
While she’s always happy to take on the day-to-day practicalities, Berni’s true gift as an End of Life Doula lies in her ability to hold the bigger picture in focus. She creates a loving, gentle environment where her charge can experience their final stage of life—and their end of life—with peace, dignity and the deep reassurance of unconditional love and respect.
Mum has flourished under Berni’s holistic care. Her face lights up when she hears Berni is coming, and their latest shared indulgence is reading and chatting about the Dalai Lama and other tomes of wisdom. They have developed a beautiful friendship, a quiet yet profound connection. Berni often says she leaves each visit feeling just as enriched, calling their time together “food for the soul”.
In today’s world, we are so disconnected from death and dying—yet, aside from birth, it is the most significant transition we go through. Everyone deserves to be supported through this journey with love, presence and care. I had a Birth Doula, and I believe just as strongly that everyone needs a Death Doula too. It’s a calling I feel drawn to myself, and one I hope to learn so that I can support others. And when my time comes, if Berni is still working, I’ll be first in line!
